The Morning After (Frontier)

When I was your age, Frontier used to be open 24/7. A thing of beauty it was, yellow farmhouse roof aglow like a beacon across Central. It used to call to us at all hours of the night/morning, singing songs of chile and grease and hot tortillas. Now the siren song is muted somewhat by the newly imposed "close time." And those of us who have stayed at the bar too long suddenly have nowhere to go. There is no longer a place for preventative hangover action. Frontier now only serves as a hangover cure.

I hate their new hours, I really do, but not enough to discount the establishment from my list of tried and true remedies. Therefore, you'll have to suffer a bit til morning (or keep partying until 5 am) before you can benefit from the medicine Frontier offers. By medicine I mean breakfast burrito and fresh oj. Or the huevos rancheros. Or pretty much any other breakfast menu item (so much the better if it includes chile). I've also experienced hangover curing in the form of their burgers. And their tortilla soup. And the sweet rolls that come swimming in a pool of butter/margarine (sounds terrible, but is spectacular). Come to think of it, I think the whole menu might be medicinal.

Now, for those of you who aren't Frontier fans, hear me out. It takes a couple of tries to get the Frontier swing of things and to have a truly remarkable experience. (Though, I realize that if you're eating at Frontier hungover, you probably don't care about any of this.) Here are a couple of tips to make your trip better:
1) Pay attention to the line. When you're the next person to be called up, scan the counter to spot the next available register. You want to be on your toes, because if they are forced to turn on their green lights and the obnoxious automated voice that directs you to "please follow the flashing green lights for the next available cashier," you're in trouble. Not only will the people behind you scoff, but the cashier will be annoyed, and mark you off as a tourist. You're best to hop to it the minute you see someone ahead of you carrying their drinks away.
2) Know what you want ahead of time. If this is your first experience, have the breakfast burrito with bacon and a large orange juice. If you're a practiced veteran, branch out. But don't wait til you're at the counter to decide.
3) Beware of making substitutions. While they're allowed, the kitchen tends to dislike them, and will find a way of subtly telling you so. So don't mess with the fixin's, don't ask to substitute something, and never, ever get a burger without the salad dressing it comes with. Trust me here, folks. Besides, the dressing makes the burger phenomenal.
4) Watch the number screens carefully for your number. When it comes up, do not jump up and yell, "I won!" It's not original. Instead, go back to the counter and be sure to bring your receipt to give to the nice person handing you your food. Don't hold up the line if at all possible. Silverware is behind you and also in each room, chile and ketchup have their own condiment counter in the main dining room, and napkins are amply available all over the restaurant.
5) Enjoy!

Frontier should practically guarantee a hangover cure, and if you follow my tips, it will probably guarantee a return visit. Oh, and before you leave, pick up a dozen tortillas to take home. They're the best in Albuquerque.